在我離開以後,孩子們會感受到什麼樣的世界………..
如果失去媽媽,我會有什麼樣的人生………
賈靜雯的大女兒(梧桐妹)曾說過,外婆–媽媽–女兒,她們三個人的臍帶是連在一起的……..
這一篇算是製作這個網站主題的番外篇。
原本預計是在有十篇文章以後再寫,結果,還是偷偷先讓它跑出來惹~~~
因為,吃飯是人類的生存本能,孩子其實也比大人擁有更強的「營養需求篩選系統」(研究報告)
但是,母性的本能,就是會做出無微不至的照顧,與生俱來的天性。
所以,才會慢慢變成很多用餐環節出錯。出錯嗎?說打結了,感覺比較貼切吼~~~
當媽後的我們~~
我們從懷著孩子的時候,希望他在肚子裡吸收到營養,每次產檢都能聽到他是健康的。
出生之後,希望他平安長大,心裡默默祈禱都不要生病之類的(怎麼可能壓~~),健康快樂。
因此,好好吃飯就是一切的基礎。除此之外還有其他吃喝拉撒睡…….,無時無刻的叮嚀與嘮嘮叨叨(哈哈中槍)。
然後,就有摩擦,就開始打結了。
回憶過去,自己還是孩子的時候,我們和媽媽是在哪裡打結了 ?
我最怕的是媽媽不理我惹~~~
如果媽媽還願意說說唸唸,其實還有連結,當她把我當陌生人,那才是真的可怕。
有了孩子以後,知道為什麼媽媽以前總是當一個不斷提醒的人。
因為,我害怕當孩子的生活中少了我,那該怎麼辦 ?
人生中,誰會先離開 ?沒有人能預測
如果媽媽離開我,往後我要如何繼續回到軌道繼續生活 ?母體是孕育我生命的起源,母親的離開,會造成我多大的傷害 ?
沒有人在我空閒之餘,隨時接聽起電話
沒有人知道我冰箱還缺少什麼食物,然後分裝打包給我
沒有人這麼貼切的感受到,我是一位母親的感受
沒有人會在訊息裡跟我說,記得吃飯,不要忙起來就忘記照顧自己的身體。如果太忙太累需要幫助,不要客氣,媽媽很樂意幫忙
不再有人用著已經退化的視力與體力,開著一個小時的車來到我門口,打電話跟我說「我已經到喽」
我想,妳跟妳媽媽一定還有更多這樣的聯結,對吧!
那換個角度,如果我離開我的孩子,他們的生活會有什麼變化 ?我想留下些什麼 ?
沒有我的擁抱,也沒有早晨的親吻早安
沒有我聽聽他們心裡的小劇場
沒有我買的餐點、準備再簡單不過的一餐
沒有我與他們經歷人生中的點點滴滴,入小學的樣子、有天跟男女朋友牽手的畫面、結婚生子的生活….
我一定會超級遺憾
但是沒有人知道,我能陪伴我的孩子走到人生哪個階段
所以,我用力的準備當下的生活,用所有的喜怒哀樂跟他們相處
很喜歡一段話
直到這天來臨前,死亡對我來說沒什麼難的。我總是拿死亡開玩笑,表現得好像自
己很幽默的樣子。但今天我做不到。
我不在了,沒辦法喚妳的名字。
我不在了,沒辦法送妳一張儲滿現金的禮物卡,上頭還有小黃金獵犬的圖案。
我覺得很抱歉,自己只能躺在墳墓裡,不能進廚房幫妳做一個糖霜蛋糕,不能給妳
一個擁抱。我只能想像妳現在的心情。
這個生日對妳來說一定很不好過,但妳別忘了,死掉的是我,而妳還活著。在這一
天,妳為我感到遺憾就夠了,千萬不要覺得自己很可悲。
感覺真是糟透了。
真希望我能陪在妳身邊。(原文出處)
人生很難,離別更難
在我失去給我生命的爸爸,即將20年的現在,我依然還在練習…………
不間斷的練習,
練習跟他說 :爸爸,再見……..
(我離開以後,一個母親給女兒的人生指南, 以及那些來不及說的愛與牽掛)
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不客氣呦~自己成為媽媽以後,發現孩子對於媽媽是無法取代的在乎,自己對自己的母親也是如此~所以才有這篇分享,謝謝您的喜愛喔~~
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